November 26, 2006

Not exactly an update. . .Considering I haven't updated since, well, June. . .I think there would be a bit too much to write with only a few minutes at my hands. I just wanted to write down a few thoughts to share with those few of you who still check this blog with the hope that maybe, just maybe, I have actually updated for once. Something that has really been made real to me over the last couple of weeks is the existence of the spiritual realm, and how greatly it affects the physical realm, basically how it affects EVERYTHING. I mean, not that I did not know it was real, but if you're anything like me, there is necessity for reminder every once in a while. These last couple weeks I have just fallen into sort of a depression, and a lot different than before. I lost my camera and transportation pass in a taxi, and then the next week I made some poor decisions, and ended up getting my iPod stolen as well. It has definitely been a learning experience, but everything seemed to be going wrong, and it threw me into a sort of despair, which, if you know me, is a very unnatural state for me. Then, on my own, i started changing the way I looked and thought about things, a kind of MENTAL exercise to improve my spirits and get me back in balance. "You're in SPAIN! This is life! Enjoy it! You'll be sad when it's over. . " I got myself out of the house and made a point to be productive and meet up with friends. I felt better, I went to bed that night assuming things had approved, that the next morning, I would get up, go to the Rastro, mass, and get a calamari bocadillo, and things would get even better. But that morning I woke up still miserable. I really didn't like life, didn't like myself, and dreaded getting up because I would just have to face failures and disappointments I didn't want to think about. But I did end up getting up, and getting out (although 2 hours later than planned). And I went to the Rastro (huge flea-market type thing). Then I went to Mass. And that is when everything changed. It was in Spanish, and with the echoes in the big church (San Cayetano) it is difficult to hear anyway, so I didn't quite understand. But I could feel that I was in the presence of God, and I basically had my own personal time with Him while I was there. And more than ever I prayed and meant that prayer before communion, "Lord I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed." Well I was. And I'm figuring out that that wierd time of despair was and is truly a spiritual imbalance. I'm getting balanced again. And I am happy, not because I have changed my mind or perspective but because God has set my spirit right. So please pray for me!God is good. That's really all that I want to tell you. :)