Wrote in Journal September 23, 2003:

Dream of what your life could be, not what it should be. Thrive on passion, hope, faith, desire-but not knowledge, logic, or common sense. Don't "was" or "will", just "be". Life is too short, and opportunities are too fleeting to just ignore instinct- that little voice that tells you anything is possible, anything is feasible if you find the right focus. Who is to tell you what is right? The right person to be, the people to love, the right life to lead, is found in the depths of your own faith.

We cannot judge. That is only within God's power. We can't just avoid judging others, we also can't judge ourselves. And I don't mean just judging in a bad way. We often try to distinguish who is a good person, the right person, but nobody is free of sin. So who am I to judge? We talk about who we are, as a unique individual, yet so often we are caught up in stereotypes. Is it because it makes it easier to figure out who to trust, or who to like? I want to follow my instinct, but too often logic sets in and makes it impossible, and I stay where I am comfortable. But when we leave our bubble of security and reach out, we create change.

I want so many different paths than the life I always end up following. I want to find my soul, not my parents or my friends. Then again, maybe the way I am now is the way I should be. But is it the way I will let myself be? Sure, I am not the same person I was last year, or three years ago. But I will not worry about what I did yesterday. I can't think about what could happen tomorrow. Because then, nothing important will be finished. I keep thinking about the things I could be missing out on when I am in one place, and I realize I just need to "be."

You don't know how badly I want to know you, all of you. But all that seems available is small talk. Aside from contrary believe, small talk is the least comfortable conversation, even painful. But since I do not know what I could say to you, all I have to offer is a smile. Don't think I'm merely being friendly. I really want to know you. I just don't know how to do it, because I am not "one of you." There's a yearning for connection, but confusion is in the way. What can I say to you that would have any importance at all? Please, give me something to say, something more than "hi".

What if one day, I were to break into your group, and sit right next to you, and begin talking about something that interested us both, as if we were old friends? If I were to truly reach out to you for the first time in all these years, would you take my hand? Could all that lost time filled with mere acknowledgement of each other's existence be made up in just a few short months? Can we let go of stereotypes and welcome change after all this time, when only a few opportunities for such a leap remain?
Or shall we keep passing up these opportunities in the confusion of "how things have always been."

Why should it change now?Because it should have been different much too long ago. What are we to do now? Continue to ignore everyone who walks by? I can't let that happen anymore. But I do not know how to make the blur of moving bodies stop. I need your help. I need to know you care also.

There is so much we all have in common, we just haven't let ourselves be revealed, and therefore we are not discovered. And so we remain believing one thing while the truth is entirely opposite.
Yes, sometime there were those moments with more than just "hello." But they were only moments that quickly faded away, lost in cluttered memories. But I wonder if you remember those moments like I do.
I think we once knew there were at least a few things we agreed upon, but everything we thought was different about us outweighed them.

Are we really complete opposites? Or are we just on different paths, yet heading the same way, and unable to notice each other on the other side of the brick wall.
Or is it that we are heading for different forks on the same road, so we just greet each other and don't bother to listen to what the other has to say. Even if that were the case, as long as we're together, let's keep each other company, make conversation to make the journey more interesting, and make memories that will last. And then, we will have something in common. The journey we took together.
Maybe, we will discover we really are headed to the same place, we just have different ways of getting there.
So what are we going to do? Walk in silence several feet apart, or discover our adventure together. Walk alone, or crash through the wall and create a new path where the barrier once stood?