ABANDON

How often do people say, “We did nothing that we had planned, but it could not have been more perfect.” How often does a person say, “It only took one moment to decide what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.” Has anyone ever said, “Let me tell you about the time that someone I had never before seen in my life demonstrated his love for me. He gave me everything I didn’t know I needed, and now I can’t live without him.” Well, let me tell you.
This past summer cannot be described accurately within the limits of human communication. A picture could capture the moment, music captures the emotion, and a story will capture the lesson. But nothing here on earth can really capture the essence of the experience.
I had almost conquered my junior year of school. The only disappointment I faced was not making the National Youth Water Polo Team. What was I supposed to do with the next three months of my life?
I went into my summer with only one other plan: to attend the DCLA (Youth for Christ) Christian Leadership Conference in Washington, D.C. A last-minute decision finalized with a substantial financial deposit left me scurrying to raise money, which I still did not have with just weeks before the big event. In June I would finally take the Water Safety Instructor class and get a pay raise at the pool. Although this would mean missing the Mexico mission trip I had previously been determined to go on, sacrifices had to be made. However, much to my surprise, my mother insisted that I go to Mexico if I really wanted to. She added that she would worry about the money for that trip, and we would worry about DCLA later.
My first day in Mexico, we dug out the foundation for the houses we were building with Amor Ministries in Tijuana. In broken Spanish I introduced myself to the Rodriquez-Chavez family, and did my best to befriend the niños. Digging and sawing wood, nailing together walls and trying to make them stand up left very little time for rest, but by the end of the day I had taught one of the girls how to blow kisses. That night, as I brushed my teeth, spitting white foam over the side of steep hill at the edge of our crowded campsite, I rested in an unfamiliar peace. It had hit me that for the first time I remember in my entire life, I could not think of a single moment in my day that had not been worthwhile. I had actually used the abilities God blessed me with for his glory, and it was an amazing feeling, as if I suddenly had discovered the purpose of life. I decided in that very moment that serving God is how I wanted to spend the rest of my own life.
Three short weeks later, with no more money than I had begun my summer with, I was still able to go to Washington D.C. I couldn’t wait to see the Relient K concert! At this conference, every afternoon we had what was called “Big Room.” During this time, at least four different speakers, not including two actors, walked thousands of high-school aged kids through the gospel of John. These talks were also scattered with times of worship led by a band that was completely on fire to praise the Lord. The first night, students were invited to come to the front if they wanted to make a decision to enter into a relationship with Jesus Christ, or if they needed to rededicate their life to the Lord, or just needed prayer. That night I talked with my youth pastor about the struggles I had in the previous school year and how I felt the Lord working in my life the past few months. It was that week that I decided to completely rededicate my life to serving the Lord and glorifying him with every moment he gave me. The night of the Relient K. concert I went back to the hotel room instead of staying for the entire concert, so I could talk to my roommates about “God stuff”, because that was the only thing that did not seem trivial.
Upon returning from Washington, D.C. I discovered that my club water polo team decided they did not need me at the Junior Olympics. In fact, for reasons I still do not quite understand, they told me they already had another goalie and they were not going to take me to Orange County. I was shocked. Not because I had been “kicked off” the team without explanation, but because I didn’t have to go to Junior Olympics. To be honest, I was hoping they would not make it to finals so that I did not have to go to Orange County that week. In the past days, I felt an enormous tug to go to Wildwood, a Christian Youth Leadership Camp at Hume Lake, but was increasingly disappointed upon discovering it was the same week as Junior Olympics. And so, just a week before the camp I rushed into the church office to beg for a spot on the trip. It so turns out, there was one spot left.
My experience at Wildwood could be an entire essay in itself. My conversations even with people who were there have often lasted hours. But there is one experience I know I will never forget. At the end of the week, the whole group that attended Wildwood was taken down to the Main Camp while everyone there was away at Victory Circle, reflecting on their own experiences. We rowed across the lake to a secluded clearing where each counselor talked to their cabin one group at a time in the middle of the circle. And then in the dim light offered by a single lantern in the center of the clearing , they presented us with our wristbands. Only those who complete Wildwood received red wristbands. They were imprinted with the letters HPI, which stood for the values of Honesty, Purity, and Integrity. Normally, despite how cloudy the night began, it cleared up enough to see the stars during this ceremony. But as it was, we had to hurry the event along while thunder rolled just beyond the next hill. And so, scrambling back to camp in tin boats, I saw unfold above me the most beautiful sight imaginable: a light show given only to our small group that cowered in our vulnerable boats. It looked like those posters that hang on the wall of the biology classroom of galaxies and nebulas. When the lighting flashed, it lit up the clouds blue, silver, and purple. But at the same time, an abundance of bright stars burst through spaces in the clouds to create a sight that I cannot even duplicate in my memory. It was undoubtedly extremely dangerous for us to be on the lake like that, but the entire ride back on the water, I sang along with the kids in my boat to the worship song, “God of Wonders” at the top of my lungs and I was once again filled with an unshakeable peace and trust in Gods fearsome and wonderful power over the heavens and the earth.
The perfect plans for a perfect summer: tossed away and forgotten. Experiencing the unprejudiced love of a young girl who had nothing, and who lived off the love of her family. Leaving with only a few “besos en el aire” that still suspend themselves in the space just in front of my nose. Living with three other girls for a week, learning what it meant to live, and finally taking a step to accept that life. Sleeping on a cot, working up a sweat, and accomplishing difficult goals. Finding beauty in floating on a lake in the middle of a thunderstorm in a tin boat, and learning what it meant to truly experience truth, instead of reading about it or being told what to believe. So was the conclusion of the most beautiful three months of my life- three months completely unplanned and unexpected, three months during which my own control over my life was abandoned. And in these three months, after years of the Lord waiting for me to see Him, I turned around and fell to my knees. Occasionally my knees start to bruise, and my legs fall asleep. Although sometimes my thighs cramp up and my mouth sometimes grows dry from lack of water, I will never walk away again.